Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
