Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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