I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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