I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
