Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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