I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
