On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
