some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm like, not good at living.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
