We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How does it feel to date your dad?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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