Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
