i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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