I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
