i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
