Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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