I'm so fucking centered right now
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
