sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
