I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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