I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I did not marry a roomba.
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