he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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