Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
