I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
