I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
