Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
