He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
