no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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