So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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