I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
