I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize