My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize