Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
