dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
