im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
