Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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