So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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