That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
