Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
