Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
