You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
