addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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