He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
