you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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