that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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