my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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