the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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