dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
