dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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