You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
