the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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