I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
