Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
