It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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