Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Bring me that man meat
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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