as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
