i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
