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I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
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