you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
