I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize