i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
