Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
