ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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