Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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