If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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