K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
