When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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