i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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