tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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