Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
