Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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