She announced her abortion via fbk
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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