Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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