Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
